Us and Death

How, when, why, who, what is of death? Who of cos we know - all of us duh one day. Why....so that there would be continuation and renewal of life. What? - time when u are not alive haha. How - brain die already. When? Ha! When?

When will death come? Actually no one knows but does the person who is going to die know? How will he know and how does he know that one is going to die. And those signs will it come to the close loved ones too?

I have heard many stories before always after the death as occurred loved ones talk about signs that they missed. Stuff like mirror breaking, candle lights goes of unexpectedly during prayers and butterflies start to fly in the stomach stuff like that. And many of those stories are like got nothing to do with death or perhaps mere co-incidence or just a spark of emotional disturbances - something which cannot realte those events to the death that has occurred. So most of the time all these is put aside and sort of silently taken as rubbish. One story is that all of a sudden a pet come caressing on the owner (the deceased) and that spark sence of weirdness and all. When all these events took place no one thinks of death even to those who are going to die.

But something happened to me which got me bewildered. One day M called me and said K is making unusually loud noise. K always makes noise and D always scolds her and M is not so much of complaining like got immune d. When i got the call M told be that and i got this weird sence. I never expected M to make such a complain to me and moreover she ask me if there is any medication to keep her quiet. Well there is non but i said give her cough mixture which is a mild sedative. She also asked me why is she suddenly making such noise and also said the day before she was looking at the ceiling and pointing towards it as usual making noise. I jokingly actually not really said she perhaps is going to go d. M hushed me and i retract the statement. In my head i was still thinking perhaps she is going to go. During the period of unusual noise making D was not at home sum more. 2 days later K had seizure second to TIA. 6 days later she died. When i heard of the dx (my own one actually) i was prepared for the worst but gave room for better possibilities which was not likely tough based on her condition. Now she is dead i was wondering was i right one the sign? Why din I brushed it away - perhaps it has been conditioned d for me to be anticipating such news and relating it to death.

However i myself feel weird of my being. I feel like i am a camera 24/7 for somebody. somebody is watching this world through my eyes. My name itself means the watchful one. Who am I? Do i hold any powers? hehe perhaps not - highly unlikely. Furthermore i am going to become a doctor. But i dont want to become a doctor who can predict death but i want to predict life for goodness sake. I want to function and be like what should a doctor be like!!!!

Have i broken the clue to the calling of death. The biggest death that broke my heart to pieces till this day was the death of my cousins in a go and that event is something i am reluctant to recall and it was very painful.

Does God give us signs of death? Perhaps he is trying to say dont take life of loved ones and self for granted. Maybe if the sign comes to the one who is going to die then it is to give them a sign saying your purpose on earth is over and now you can return home to Him. If it comes to the loved ones then it may mean dont take for granted and start mending?

A fren told me of what a pastor told him on why Good people die faster - Perhaps their purpose on earth is over and God has called them back. For K i dunno what is the exact purpose of her life but perhaps in the time to come we would know.

A bad feeling just came in. Will this death be a sort of punishment for M n D for not taking care well of K or for not valuing fully her life and not being able to see her purpose on this earth? I hope God have Mercy of M n D's family. We ask Thee for forgiveness. But is it too late??

I am very sad for not being close to M n D through this troubled periods sum more being far away from them. Would be different if i was in Cheras. I wish i could be in the hospital helping to monitor the situation as i have the knowledge though limited.

Many things about purpose death myself my family etc are running in my head. I let it run till it stops - i feel perhaps some answer to questions i do not know would arise from it.

This moment i would never forget and i will keep in mind as a clue to who i really am.